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Shafted by the Few

Are you that wanker who keeps stealing LX tape from venues where you work?

Are you just like ‘well I’ve done a 12 hour shift, this is just a perk!’

Are you the twat who’s like ‘I’ll borrow the stage manager’s pencil, she won’t care if I don’t give it back, she’s got 10,000 pencils.’

Or the guy who’s all ‘Jesus, all I did was drop a bit of litter, like, it’s not a murder!’


Yes, you, with your petty misdeed that really doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things.  You who’s all like ‘I only take like, 5 rolls of LX tape a month’ and doesn’t bother to think about whether that’s enough for the venue tech manager to STOP GODDAMN BUYING TAPE, SHAFTING THE REST OF US WHO DON’T STEAL TAPE BUT JUST USE IT TO DO OUR GODDAMN JOBS THAT WE’RE BEING PAID FOR.

You, who hasn’t clocked that the stage manager has now had 30 pencils taken from her in the last 6 months and the reason she’s refusing to lend you one now isn’t because she’s ‘like, totally making a big deal out of nothing’ but BECAUSE YOU WANKERS KEEP ON TAKING HER SHIT.

You who throws nappies out of the window for someone else to tidy up, who spills beer on the seats of the buses, who leaves broken shit broken in a corner because someone else will deal with it, who pinches ‘cos it’s easy – you are making my life harder, you irredeemable plonker, with your tiny petty little acts of thoughtlessness, because did you know, your petty selfishness keeps on adding up!  You just keep on screwing the rest of us over in tiny, microscopic little acts of bullshit and I’m pissed off with you.

And it’s not just that you’re now costing me more money as the service charge on my housing estate goes up for unexpected repairs and cleaning costs, or I have to go buy more shit to fix the stuff you stole/broke.

It’s that you’re so goddamn selfish, to self-indulgent and privileged, a little child who knows that the rules are stupid and don’t even apply to you, it pisses me off.  You’re the guy who’s like ‘I know I didn’t pay for it, but you’ll let me get away with it anyway right’, as if somehow the 100 people who did pay for the thing you want don’t even matter, and if only they were as smart as you they could have blagged, borrowed, wheedled and begged until people just gave up fighting.  You’re the one who ignores the rules that everyone else obeys, because it’s a stupid rule anyway.  SOMETIMES IT IS A STUPID RULE AND I GET THAT, BUT THIS ISN’T THAT POINT.  Maybe you think, by breaking it, you’re the free-thinking hero, as compared to the total wanker whose arrogance is of such breadth that you know, know that you’re right and everyone else is wrong, and if only these sheep would get up and follow you in your radical acts of petty defiance, they’d be happy too.

WELL SCREW YOU.  I hate that you get away with it, and I hate that sometimes the rules are dumb and enforced by numpties, and I hate that in your petty selfishness so you reduce the rest of us, the rest of us who actually do our jobs and try hard to think of others, to being less than you.  Less worthy of thought, less worthy of consideration.  Because that’s what you’re doing, every time you perpetrate another petty act of selfishness; you fail to think about other people as goddamn human beings.

And yes, I’m shouting at you about tape and pencils, and no, they don’t matter!  But you know what does matter?  Not stopping to think.  Not taking two microseconds out of your day to go ‘oh wow, maybe actions have consequences’ or even more ‘wow, maybe this will really annoy other people, I should think about that before I… oh, too late!’

So you.

You total tosser.

You owe me £45 in LX tape ex VAT, about £15 in mission pencils, one handheld torch (LED not tungsten), a pilot drill bit and your face on my fist, please.  Even if the latter doesn’t help, it’ll sure make me feel better.