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What the Actual Incontinence?!

So let’s talk incontinence pads.

Without wanting to beat about the bush: old age can suck.  I mean, it can also be awesome, but physically it can sometimes suck, and yes, when you’re in your 90s sometimes bits leak and it’s all horrid and under such circumstances you assign a younger person with a grasp of the internet to buy you incontinence pads because that’s just the only intelligent responce.

This is not about urinary incontinence, by the way.

It’s about this:

Lille Form Supreme Maxi Incontinence Pad

I mean…

… ok, let’s get some basic thoughts of the way first.

Your modelling career sucks if your chief gig is… well… that.  You’ve gone to the gym, you’ve eaten the vegetarian diet, you’ve got the tan, you’ve done the products and then your agent phones up and goes “I’ve got a great gig for you, it’s like lingerie but… specialist.”

Next thought: those are some wacky pants.  Like, I’m sure they’re very shaping but oh my they must begin to cut off blood flow after a while.

Finally… WHAT?  Just what?  We’re selling incontience pads through the medium of a svelt 22 year old model and her polished bronze groin?  Have you looked at this picture?  Have you stopped to think for even 2 seconds about what you’re doing?  “Hey guys, buy these GIANGANTIC” (this particular brand is half a metre long, and nearly a foot across at either end) “… these GIANGANTIC pads for mopping up faecal and urinary seepage and you too could be as sexy as this sexy girl!  Because what do we know about women and being sexy?  BEING SEXY MAKES YOU WORTHWHILE!”

It doesn’t stop there.  You wanna melt your brain?  There’s extensive google shopping hits for giant adult nappies lovingly clung to the shaved thighs of elegant ladies with their elegant lady parts… just go explore on your own time, ok?

I find myself so baffled that I don’t even know what I think.

Maybe… perhaps this is empowering?  Perhaps it’s good to be all like “hey, this isn’t a thing to be ashamed of!  This is just the body’s natural process and everyone can experience it – even models! – and they too can be comfortable and well off, hurrah!”

Or perhaps it’s just the most monumentally oppressive thing ever.  Perhaps it turns out that it’s impossible to be old and valid, impossible to have cellulose and saggy bits and be over the age of 33 and in any way have any meaning whatsoever, even to your own peers, even selling incontinence pads, because the only way anyone buys anything if it’s attached to sexy lady parts and no one wants to see old ladies wearing old lady things because uch, old ladies.  OLD LADIES ARE THE WORST.  And the things that happen to old lady bodies?  So disgusting as to basically make you less than human.  Maybe that’s what we’re saying.  Maybe that’s the ugly end of this logical journey.

I just don’t know.

I’m just sorta like… WHAT THE HELL EVEN and would be fascinated to see how the world feels on a topic that still has my tiny mind going whoosh.  Even though yes… here we are… talking about incontinence.  On a Monday evening.  Enjoy.