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A Sense of Suspense

This is the entry in which, once again, I fail to explain why I haven’t been blogging for a while.

I haven’t been blogging for a while because, honest to god, I’ve been silly busy.  And am not permitted to talk about any of it.

I mean, I could, in theory, talk about 2 things with perfect liberty.  I could tell you about the stuff I’m writing, because oh yes, dear reader, I’m scribbling away, despite the fact that my fingers go blue in this weather… but while I’d love to pretend that I suffer from my art, in truth, I clasp a hot water bottle to myself for the sake of my art, which isn’t quite as glamorous.  But nope!  Because until I’ve got a certain document signed and sealed and on my desk, I’m afraid I’m going to have to be depressingly schtum about my current literary adventures… Watch This Space…

Or, perhaps as an alternative, I could tell you about adventures in lampie land!  I could tell you about the show I was working on for the last three weeks, but actually, discretion and a rare flare-up of courtesy prohibits me and let this ellipsis be the end of that….

Or I could tell you about what I’m working on next, but again, and alas, I find that the theatre in question has a rule prohibiting members of staff, even casual ones, from chatting too freely about their jobs which is a shame, because as theatres go it’s up there in the top ten – no, top three – most amazing places I have ever been to in my life, and quite what they’re doing hiring me, albeit as a casual worker yet untested, is a mystery.  (I was once told when studying at the London School of Economics that we were in the top 11 of social science universities in the world.  I leave the imagination to speculate on where abouts on this list of 11 we fell…) I mean, I haven’t even begun to grasp the depths of my ignorance when it comes to being a technician, although obviously if any people in the lighting industry are reading this please believe me when I say I learn fast and have only once, just once, made something explode.  Because frankly, if you’re not going to write the words ’12V Only’ in large friendly letters on the side of a thing that is traditionally associated with mains power, then what do you expect?  But anyway, I promise never to do it ever again.  Honest.

Or I could tell you about the job after that, which is incidentally the job before (lighting designers… we like our mulling time…) but no, once again, the circumstances of my employment prohibit me from liberal discussion.  I’m not a spy!  Really really really!  But there seems to be this view in the theatrical industry that everyone in it is a gossip, which has some validity, and that good news is not news.  Thus, if two techies meet and say ‘how are you’ the first sentence is never going to be ‘well, actually, I’ve had a really relaxing day, 8 hours of blissful ease and joy, punctuated by a nice cuppa tea with a digestive biscuit… half an hour a bit iffy but we got through it…’ Oh no.  The first sentence is going to be ‘you would not believe the half hour I had today…’ and conversation flows from there.  Thus, we are left back here with another essay in narrative suspense…

… sorry guys…

But hey!  I can do a shameless plug while I’m here!  I loathe product placement and I despise advertising as an evil thing that eats up my life, time and neurons, all of which could be used for better things, but if there are any lampies out there wondering what to do with their budget, let me just say here and now that I love Sparks Theatrical Hire.  (For any non-lampies out there, in case you’re wondering, equipment costs cash.  And what with the arts cuts… oh yes, there’s a rant waiting to happen… cash is in short supply.  And some people have lots, and most people have none, and to fill the gap, the only place I have ever been to which actually does wonderful things for people stuck in the middle, is Sparks.  And it’s called Sparks.  Complete with quirky font.  Which somehow pleases me.)

Consider this the somewhat unlikely place to find the literary equivalent of a glowing review.