North-South Divide

Someone once defined ‘nationalism’ as a state of not-being.  I am English because I am not French, I am Scottish because I am not, oh but so very much not English and so on and so forth.  While as definitions go it leaves a certain something to be desired, it does seem that a lot of what the sociologists lovingly call identity (and remember sociology is a subject where, if you can get ‘identity’ into the first three lines, you’ve won) is based on a state of not being the other bugger.  And so life gets filled up with these divides.  They start big – I am English because I am not French.  Then they refine – I am from Up North and therefore am rugged and strong, whereas he’s from Down South and is therefore wussy and smug.  (Or conversely, I am from Down South and am therefore cultivated and clever and he’s from Up North and therefore drinks a lot and grunts.)  In London this divide is just as strong as anywhere else, and the River Thames cuts the city up into a very strong North-South line.

It goes something like this…

I am from North London, and therefore have experience of real London.  I can actually find an underground station without having to ride a bus for an hour and a half, I am within easy throwing distance of Hampstead Heath, Ally Pally, Soho, Westminster, the Golden Mile, the Tower of London, the BT Tower, Parliament, Buckingham Palace, Leicester Square, the British Museum and so on and so forth.  My side of London is rich with history, eighteenth century mansions and nineteenth century terraces, in my part of town you can find pretty much anything anywhere and don’t have to shop at Argos to achieve it, in short, all things considered, North London, it’s where the action is at.  Poor South Londoners – all that suburban landscape with nothing of any note in it, semi-detached houses looking exactly like the next street of semi-detached houses and my god but you have to wait for the train to get anywhere and you’ll be so lucky if it happens to be going that way to begin with.  Urban poverty, transport failure and commercial decline – south London, who’d live there?

Whereas!  As a South Londoner the thought goes something like this…

You ignorant North London smug bastards, you have no idea what you’re missing.  We’ve got Richmond Park, Clapham Common, greenery everywhere, room to move in, low rents and big houses, some of the best curry that London has to offer.  We’ve got rich and thriving local communities, we’ve got easy access to mainline trains to carry us swiftly to places like Brighton and other non-London destinations wherever they happen to be.  We can get bags of exotic vegetables at half the price you lot can, actually find a place to park, and hell, the London Eye, London Aquarium, Tate Modern and Globe Theatre are all on our side of the river so you lot just take your inner city squalor and rising crime rates and piss off back to Barnet you ignorant Northern gits.

I’m very firmly a North Londoner.  I did dally with the concept of South for a while, and can sorta see the other guy’s point of view, but no.  Sorry.  I remain up north and up north is where I intend to stay.  However!  Even once you’ve chosen your side of the river, there’s still more dividing up to do.  I am from Hackney, therefore naturally dislike Tottenham – not because the borough has done anything personal to offend me, but merely because it’s good to have someone to look down on, whether for geographical or footballing reasons, who can say?  Equally, my nearest borough growing up was Islington, where the sense of ‘oh god, not Hackney, what a dump’ was unmistakable.   As someone from the vaguely eastern corner of the city, I naturally view the West with deep suspicion.  Where is Acton anyway and were North, East, Central and West Acton stations really the best names that could be come up with for the local area?  Is Knightsbridge a real place?  Do people really shop at Harrods?  Really? Wherever you go there’s always someone to look down on and feel pleased not to be… even if, as luck would have it, they’re looking back at you and thinking exactly the same thing…